


she's got a boyfriend anyway

by Nussia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, I FEEL IT, and i really liked how this came out so yea, and lexa is thirsty af, finn never makes an appearance which is cool, mature for swearing and implied sex and stuff, starting to see the potential for some octaven
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:51:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4191063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nussia/pseuds/Nussia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Finn are dating and Lexa has a gut feeling it's not for the best, but that's probably because her own feelings, and some of Clarke's actions, are clouding her judgement.<br/>Or the one where she constantly has to remind herself that Clarke has a boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on tumblr @nussia

_“Lexa, please,” Clarke sighs into the space between her lips and Lexa’s. She’s sitting her the other girl’s lap, hands around her neck and her hips grinding down. “Look, I know we’re friends…”_

_“And we’re drunk,” Lexa cuts her off before she can continue and presses another kiss to her lips._

_“Yes, and we’re drunk, but god I want you so bad right now,” Clarke forces out as she pulls away again. This pulls a heavy sigh that sounds halfway to a moan from Lexa. “Please,” Clarke repeats. It’s starting to sound more like a prayer to Lexa at this point._

_Clarke sits straddling Lexa, pressing soft kisses to her jawline and neck while one of Lexa’s old t-shirts hangs lightly off of her back. It wasn’t uncommon for the two of them to share clothes, they’ve been friends for years. All Lexa can think about is how much better Clarke looks in it than her. And about how Clarke’s eyes look so beautiful when they’re glossed over and hidden through half-closed lids. And about how good she feels when Clarke gives her that hungry stare._

_And about how she’s wanted this for as long as she can remember._

_“It doesn’t mean anything, Lex. It’s just sex.” Clarke smirks at her unintentional rhyme and Lexa returns her half smile._

_“It can’t mean anything.”_

_“Just use those hands of yours, please.” Clarke grabs Lexa by the wrists and places her hands on her hips. “I’ve got all this spare time to kill,” she whispers into Lexa’s ear and smiles at the shiver it elicits and the soft pull on her hips asking her to come closer. She kisses Lexa again, harder this time, running her tongue along her bottom lip before biting down on it. Lexa slips her tongue into Clarke’s mouth and is certain she’ll have the ridges of the roof of her mouth etched into her memory for the rest of this life and the next._

_\--_

“Shit, where’s your street again?” Lexa asks, reaching over to turn down the radio. She’s certain she read something about that helping your vision when you’re driving.

Clarke laughs from the passenger seat. “Calm down, Lex. It’s still a few minutes away.”

“Sorry what we’re you saying?”

“Oh! Right! Finn. So I really think you’ll like him.”

“Mm. That’s what you said about the last guy. What was his name? Jackson?”

“Jackson was weird. Too caught up with medical stuff.”

“And Finn?”

“He’s nice. And sweet. And caring. And headstrong.”

“Yeesh. You’re headstrong enough.” Lexa glances over and flashes a smile at Clarke who shoves her shoulder.

“Shut up. He’s pretty good in bed, too.”

“Only pretty good?”

“Passably good compared to…some things.”

Lexa hopes Clarke doesn’t see the blush creeping up her neck. Clarke probably isn’t even talking about their fling from months ago, but it’s all Lexa’s been able to think about, especially when the two of them have been talking about sex _a lot._ Clarke is more than curious about Lexa’s sex life, and Lexa pretends to be interested and not jealous when hearing about Clarke’s. She feels like she’s constantly reminding herself that _Clarke has a boyfriend you idiot; she got over it so should you._

But that has gotten harder and harder when Clarke acts like it meant nothing and Lexa feels like it meant _everything._

“It’s this one here,” Clarke says while pointing at the upcoming street. “I still have trouble remembering where it is.”

Lexa pulls into the apartment complex and parks next to Clarke’s building.

“So, Lincoln, my gallery advisor person, whatever his title is. He’s showing his short film at the studio next week. Please come. Finn will be there, you can meet him. I’m sure you can talk up so artsy girl.” Clarke wiggles her eyebrows at Lexa and manages to pull a small smile from her. “That smile is a yes! I’ll text you the details. Love you.” Clarke plants a sloppy kiss to Lexa’s cheek and gets out of the car with a small wave, which Lexa halfheartedly reciprocates.

\--

_“I think I’m gonna get my tongue pierced.” Clarke says while peering at her tongue in the mirror above her vanity._

_“You’re going to what?” Lexa retorts. “I mean it would look good, but where is this coming from?”_

_“I wanna do something bold. My gallery is gonna open soon and I need to make a statement or something.”_

_“Clarke…”_

_“And if I don’t like it I can take it out.”_

_“Clarke.”_

_“Do you think Lincoln would be cool with it? I mean he has all those tattoos so I mean he should be cool with it, right?”_

_“_ Clarke,” _Lexa repeats more sternly._

_“Shit, sorry. Yeah? What’s up?”_

_“If you really want it you should do it.”_

_Clarke beams at her. “You’re so supportive. This is why I keep you around.”_

\--

“So where’s Finn?” Lexa asks, pointing at the empty seat next to Clarke. “The film is starting soon right?”

“He said he’d be here. He ditched last time I invited him to an art thing. I swear if he bails again…” Clarke trails off and Lexa takes a hold of her hand and gives her a small, reassuring smile. “Did I tell you? He got all mad when I told him I wanted to get my tongue pierced.”

“I thought you didn’t want to anymore?”

“I changed my mind again.” She says it as if Lexa should have known this whole time.

“Right. So then when are you?” Lexa is happy for the slight change of subject. Her hand is still clasped around Clarke’s. _She has a boyfriend, Lexa._

“I’m not.” Clarke says this, again, as if Lexa should have been able to read her mind.

“But you just said…”

“If he won’t like it,”

“Shut up. Clarke. Come on. Don’t let him make your choices,” Lexa cuts her off.

“No, I know. It’s just…Hang on I got a text. I think it’s Finn.” She rummages through her bag to pull out her phone, pulling her hand away from Lexa who frowns slightly at the loss of contact. Clarke’s shoulders slump as she reads the text. “Yeah, he’s not coming.” Clarke shakes her head and throws her phone back into her purse. “He does this _all_ the time. And I go to all of his stuff. It took him forever to even come with me to my gallery.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” And Lexa is sorry. She’s sorry that Clarke feels pushed over right now and that she’s frustrated and angry. She was so excited to Lexa to meet Finn and now she can’t, and, granted, Lexa wasn’t too thrilled to meet him, it’s still hard to see Clarke like this, with her arms crossed over her stomach and her makeup done and her hair pulled back and a frown stuck on her face. She’s chewing the inside of her lip, and Lexa knows that she saves that for when she’s contemplating her choices or trying not to cry. Clarke sits up a little straighter and lets out a shaky sigh when Lincoln goes to the front of the audience to introduce his film.

It was the latter.

Lexa, against her better judgement, takes Clarke’s hand into hers again and Clarke is the one to lace their fingers together. It hurts her heart, but Lexa doesn’t move it in case it’s exactly what Clarke needs.

_She has a boyfriend, Lexa._

\--

“Lincoln! That was amazing!” Clarke exclaims, throwing her arms around Lincoln’s neck and pulling him into a hug.

He pulls away with a grin plastered to his face. “Thanks, Clarke.” He glances to Lexa. “Good to see you again, thanks for coming out.” Lexa had been at the opening of Clarke’s gallery and basically every event that the gallery held after that that Clarke invited her to.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” She replies with a smile. She feels a glass being slid into her hand and looks over to Clarke who is giving her champagne.

“Let’s drink.” Clarke raises her glass and Lincoln and Lexa follow suit. “To Lincoln’s incredible film.” They clink their glasses and drink.

“Thanks again, Clarke.” Lincoln squeezes her shoulder and then leaves her and Lexa alone as he goes to talk to some of the other guests.

“Hey,” Clarke says nudging Lexa with her elbow. “Let’s go sneak into the gallery.”

“Are you sure? Are we allowed to…” Lexa is cut off by Clarke snickering and taking her hand to lead her past the ‘NO ENTRY’ sign and up the stairs into her small gallery.

“You’re such a stickler for the rules.” Lexa can’t help but smile because she’s not only following the rules Lincoln set up, but the social ones set up by Clarke’s relationship status, although those ones are being bent ever so slightly.

The gallery is quiet except for the soft murmur from the crowd downstairs. It’s also dark. All the lights are off and long shadows are cast from the city lights that are just outside of the floor to ceiling windows that cover one of the walls. Clarke drops Lexa’s hand and begins to wander past the paintings and sketches that are placed on the walls throughout the space. It’s not all that large of a space, but the near silence is deafening and sound of Clarke’s heels on the hard wood echo making the room feel endless. Clarke’s hand brushes along her own nameplate as she takes a long sip out of her glass. It’s next to a painting of the view of her old apartment when looking off the balcony, which is in the frame. And although the figure in the painting is faceless as it looks out over the skyline, Lexa knows it’s her. She watches Clarke drop her hand from the nameplate and walk over to the wall of windows.

It takes a few strides for Lexa to be at Clarke’s side and only a few seconds for Clarke to lean into her and rest her head on her shoulder as they look out on the city. Clarke finishes her drink and passes the empty glass aimlessly between her hands before Lexa takes it from her and replaces it with her own nearly full one. “I’m driving anyway. Don’t drink it if you don’t want it.”

“I do,” Clarke whispers with a sigh. “Can I sleep over?”

Lexa’s heartrate increases and she hopes that it doesn’t sound as loud to Clarke as it does pounding in her ears. The simple request shouldn’t phase her. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, but for some reason it feels different to her. “Yeah, of course.” She can’t let Clarke know about her apprehension that seems to disappear when she sees her favorite familiar smile creep onto Clarke’s lips.

\--

They’re lying in Lexa’s bed, Clarke wearing one of her t-shirts and just her boy-shorts while Lexa is in a pair of pajama shorts and a loose tank top. Clarke is on her side, facing Lexa who lies on her back, staring at the ceiling in the hopes she won’t stare at the girl next to her. She can feel those familiar blue eyes burning a whole into her skull so Lexa quickly glances over to meet Clarke’s gaze. “What?” She asks, and it comes out as barely a whisper.

“Do you remember that time you and I…” Clarke trails off, and even though there are a million different instances that could fill in the blank that Clarke left, Lexa knows exactly what she’s talking about.

Lexa swallows hard. She nods. “What about it?”

Clarke shrugs. “Just thought about it. I don’t know…”

Lexa can hardly take it. The short distance between them isn’t enough for her not to feel the warmth of Clarke radiating off her body and all of a sudden she feels claustrophobic in her own bed. The sheets feel suffocating and the only place that feels safe is closer and closer to Clarke. Toward warmth while the rest of her bed feels ice cold. Clarke hasn’t averted her eyes even with the silence that is blanketing the room. Lexa pulls her arms from under the covers and reaches over to Clarke’s side of the bed, hesitating before Clarke gives her a look and she just _knows_ it’s ok to press her hand to her cheek and shift on the bed and lean in and remove the space between them and press her lips softly to Clarke’s and move from her top lip to her bottom one and run her nose over hers as she tilts her head for a better angle.

“If we’re gonna do anything,” Lexa says in between kisses. “We might as well just…”

Clarke reciprocates the kiss and pushes into Lexa, cutting her words off. She is hesitant at first but pulls Lexa on top of her and tangles a hand into her curly hair while the other rests on her hip. Lexa’s hands reach around to the back of Clarke’s neck to pull her in even closer and all of a sudden everything feels right. She reaches down to push up her own t-shirt on Clarke to rest her hand on the bare skin of her waist right above her hip and below her ribs. Clarke’s hands are trailing down her back now, going up and under her shirt to scratch at the skin of Lexa’s shoulders and the small burn from this elicits a soft moan from Lexa into Clarke’s mouth. She feels Clarke smile into the kiss before biting down on Lexa’s bottom lip, pulling another moan from her.

Lexa can hardly wait anymore and starts to rub soft circles on the skin above the band of Clarke’s underwear. Clarke is still kissing her, with a little more force now and pulls Lexa’s hips into hers, sighing with content at the friction it gives her. Lexa starts to slide her hand under the band of Clarke’s boy-shorts when she feels Clarke pull away and turn her head to the side. “Lexa…” It’s quiet, and Lexa takes this as a request to kiss her neck, so she does. She nips along Clarke’s jaw and down her neck, reaching her pulse point and sucking on it, feeling Clarke’s heartbeat flutter under her lips. Her hand reaches lower until Clarke takes hold of her wrist. _“Lexa,”_ Clarke says sternly. Lexa pulls her hand away and sits up, still in Clarke’s lap. Their breathing is heavy and there are small drops of sweat on Clarke’s forehead. “Lexa, no. We can’t.”

_She has a boyfriend, Lexa._

Lexa sighs and slides off Clarke, falling back onto her side of the bed with a soft _thump_ on the sheets. Clarke is still lying on her back, trying to get her breathing in order and her heartbeat back to a steady rhythm. Lexa is replaying the past events in her head trying to figure out where she went wrong and what to say now.

“Look,” she starts. “I’m not trying to stop your thing with Finn. Just…I’m sorry I don’t know what happened there.”

Clarke is silent.

“Does he take care of you?” Lexa is sincere with her question. She looks over to Clarke who is chewing on the inside of her lip again, and she feels all of her emotions hit her straight in the chest all at once.

“Could I fill his shoes?”

“No. Goodnight, Lex.” Clarke rolls over onto her side, facing away from Lexa.

They both fall asleep not quite sure which one of Lexa’s questions the ‘no’ answered.

\--

“I did it!” Clarke exclaims through the phone into Lexa’s ear. Her voice sounds like she has a lisp.

“Did what?”

“I got my thounge pierthed.” Lexa can’t help but smile into the speaker of her phone. “I’m just not used to it.” Clarke speaks slowly and deliberately so her words are clear. “I told you I would.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be one chapter.......enjoy a bit more of lexa's backstory.

_“God, Lexa that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you,” Clarke beams. She’s leaned over the small metal table holding tight onto Lexa’s hands. She nearly spills their coffees over and the barista passing by their table reaches out to steady the cup, giving Clarke an angry glance. Clarke flashes her a small smile as an apology, but she rolls her eyes and walks away._

_“Yeah, we have our first date on Friday.”_

_“What are you planning? I mean, college budget and all.”_

_Lexa lets out a small laugh. “Right. I think we’re just gonna get dinner and drinks probably. Nothing too fancy.”_

_“So how did you ask her?”_

_“It was nothing major,” Lexa starts, smiling as she looks down to her hands that are now resting in her lap. “We were talking after our Lit class and the whole ‘We should hang out, well, go out’ sort of just fell out of my mouth. Dinner was her idea, actually. I couldn’t think of anything ‘cause I was too stunned by her even saying yes.”_

_“Oh! You know my art club is putting on a small gallery Saturday. No fees or anything, just a fun showcase. You should bring her.” Clarke is more than excited to meet Costia. She’s heard plenty about her from Lexa, who finally built up enough courage to ask her out. She was getting tired of hearing about their small conversations and late night study sessions in the library, and, quite frankly, Lexa needed someone like this in her life. She had gone their first two years of university practically date-less and Clarke could tell it was taking a toll on her, even if she didn’t care to admit it._

_“Yeah, maybe. She’s really into photography. I’ll ask her.” Lexa nods to herself, a slight reassurance that this whole ‘dating’ thing was even happening. “Jesus, Clarke, I forgot what dating was like.”_

_“Just have fun with it, even if she just ends up being a one night stand sort of thing…”_

_“No, Clarke,” Lexa says, cutting her off. “You know I don’t do that.”_

_Clarke holds up her hands in mock-defense. “Right, right. Sorry. That’s kinda my thing.” Clarke grins, and Lexa can’t help but smile back._

_\--_

_“Clarke, nice to meet you,” Costia says, extending a hand. “Lexa has told me so much about you.”_

_Clarke takes her hand and shakes it firmly. “All good things I hope,” she replied, flashing Lexa a smile. Her friend is glancing between them anxiously. Clarke tries her hardest to convey even an ounce of reassurance to her in her gaze._

_“All lovely things. You’re art is even more beautiful in person.” Costia gestures around the room._

_“Not all mine, but thank you.”_

_“This is nothing,” Lexa says, not looking at either of them. “Some of the pieces I’ve seen blow all of this out of the water.”_

_A slight blush turns Clarke’s cheeks pink. She shakes her head a bit. “Thanks, Lex.”_

_“I’m gonna go grab some more water,” Lexa says, resting a hand softly on Costia’s upper arm. “Can I get you anything?”_

_“I’m fine, thank you.” She smiles and Clarke swears there is a small bit of apprehension in the way Lexa smiles back._

_Lexa leaves them alone as she heads off toward a table holding various refreshments. “So, Costia,” Clarke says, turning to face the woman. “You and Lexa met in your…”_

_“Lit class.”_

_“Right, you TA that one?”_

_“That’s right. I’m a graduate student here.”_

_Clarke nods and glances around, deciding just to tackle the subject as quickly as possible. “Look,” she starts. “I know this is only your second date, technically. And you guys aren’t super serious yet.” Costia raises her eyebrows slightly. “But Lexa is my best friend.”_

_“I understand, Clarke.”_

_“I just don’t want her to get hurt.”_

_“I know.”_

_“And if I had to pick sides, I’d pick hers any day.”_

_“What are we picking sides for?” Lexa asks after returning with her freshly filled glass of water._

_“Nothing,” Costia says, flashing her a smile. “Do you want to look around some more?”_

_Lexa nods and turns to Clarke. “I’ll catch up with you later?”_

_“Yeah of course.”_

_\--_

_“Clarke, she’s amazing.”_

_“That’s the fifth time you’ve said that, Lexa.”_

_Lexa’s heart just swells even bigger. She and Costia have been together for three months now, but it feels like so much longer. “Sorry, you’re probably sick of it.”_

_“No, no!” Clarke says quickly. She turns to face Lexa fully, spinning in her desk chair toward the girl lying on her bed. “I love hearing about it. I’m happy for you.”_

_“She’s just…”_

_“Amazing?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_\--_

_“Look, babe,” Costia mutters. Her eyes are squeezed shut and she has a hand pressed to her forehead. “I know this is rough, but I’m only gonna be gone for six months.”_

_“Yeah, but didn’t you think about, oh, I don’t know? Mentioning that you were even_ thinking _of study abroad?”_

_“You wouldn’t have changed my mind.”_

_The words hurt Lexa more than she expects. She thought she would have meant more to Costia at this point, six months into their relationship. A trip like this is a big deal and Lexa would have even talked to her friends about the situation first, let alone her girlfriend. And the fact that Costia was willing to put a strain like this on their relationship, Lexa isn’t sure if it means she has faith or thinks it is failing sooner rather than later._

_“Ok,” Lexa chokes out. “Well, six months is a long time, Cos.”_

_“I think we should…” She trails off._

_“Should what?” Lexa is almost certain she knows what the words will be, but she needs to hear Costia say them._

_“I think we should end things now then. We’re at two very different points of our lives, Lexa.”_

_Lexa just nods, looking down to her feet and wringing her hands together._

_“I’m sorry. I care about you a lot, Lexa. And this has been great, but…I don’t think either of us saw this lasting.”_

_The words feel like a freight train hitting her square in the chest. Lexa saw it lasting. Their coffee dates and nights spent cuddled on the couch talking about literature and whether they wanted kids or a big wedding or a small one seemed so much more than just a short lived relationship._

_“Yeah, ok. I’ll get my things out of my drawer…”_

_\--_

Lexa peeks out of her bedroom door to see Clarke in her kitchen cooking pancakes. She’s still wearing Lexa’s t-shirt and she’s bobbing her head to some beat only she can hear. Lexa wonders why Clarke is still here to begin with, especially after the questions she was throwing her just hours ago.

_“Could I fill his shoes?”_

Lexa cringes at the thought. She hadn’t explicitly stated her feelings, but Clarke wasn’t an idiot. But she was also still in her apartment, cooking pancakes nonetheless. She finally builds up the courage and pads out into the kitchen. “Morning,” she says simply.

Clarke turns to her and smiles. “Hey, sleepyhead. Coffee?”

Lexa takes a seat at one of the barstools. “Yeah, sure.”

Clarke pours her coffee, and adds the cream (no sugar) to the cup. Just the way Lexa likes it. “Here you go. Pancakes should be done soon.”

Lexa is beyond confused. Did she dream all of last night’s events? The kissing, the lip biting, Clarke leaving scratches down her back? She watches as Clarke drops another pancake onto the small stack on a plate next to the stove top before turning around to set the plate in between them on the counter. She takes two plates out of the cabinet, Lexa doesn’t even have to tell her where they are, the syrup out of the pantry, and forks out of the silverware drawer. Lexa helps herself to a few of the pancakes, and Clarke does the same.

Lexa takes a sip from her mug. “Thanks for all this,” she says, gesturing at the pancakes.

“My pleasure.” Clarke stuffs a bite into her mouth, washing it down with her coffee.

“Um, Clarke?”

“Hm?”

Lexa hesitates for a moment. She doesn’t want to ruin this seemingly perfect reaction from Clarke who she had pinned down to her bed last night while the girl’s boyfriend had no idea what was happening between them. She inhales sharply, letting any apprehension leave with her exhale. “Last night…”

“It’s okay, Lexa,” Clarke says simply, cutting her off. Her eyes never leave her pancakes.

“Is it?”

Clarke looks up at her now. She smiles with her mouth, but not her eyes. “It’s not an issue, okay?”

Lexa doesn’t press it any further, instead taking another bite of her pancakes and nodding.

\--

_Lexa is pressed into Clarke’s side, her face buried into the blonde’s neck. Clarke can feel the wetness left from Lexa’s tears, but she hasn’t heard her cry yet. She’s all shaking shoulders and sniffles still. It’s how Lexa usually is, shut off and showing as little emotion as she can, but Clarke knows how hard that is for her, so she simply holds her and waits for any shift, trying to soothe Lexa in any way that she can. She runs a hand along her back, tracing the outline of her spine over and over until the motion is done simply from muscle memory. Her other hand lies over Lexa’s arms, holding onto her upper arm softly. They’re curled on Clarke’s couch and take up one cushion combined._

_Lexa lets out a louder cry, trying to cut off the noise as quickly as it started._

_“Shhh, it’s ok. Let it out,” Clarke mumbles into Lexa’s hair. She places a small kiss onto her temple. “A good cry always helps.”_

_“Why’d she have to lead me on like that?”_

_“I know. It’s really hard. I’m so sorry Lexa.”_

_“Clarke?”_

_“Yeah, love?”_

_“Please don’t leave.”_

_“Never.”_

_\--_

“Jesus, Clarke, you seriously did it?” Lexa can simply imagine the proud grin Clarke must have plastered on her face. “Send me a picture. I bet it looks good.”

“Hell yeah it does.” Clarke pulls her phone away from her ear for a moment to take and send a picture to Lexa. “Check your texts.”

Lexa does as instructed and, of course, there is Clarke with a silver metal ball on her tongue. She’s winking in the picture and Lexa’s breath catches in her chest ever so slightly. It’s been two weeks since the short film viewing and Lexa is certain she can still feel Clarke’s skin under her hands, but they haven’t talked about it since. She puts the phone back to her ear. “Looks damn good, I knew it.”

“It hurt like a bitch, Lex. Holy shit.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, I could have been there to hold your hand.”

Clarke is a bit slow to reply. “Spur of the moment thing I guess. Finn still doesn’t know.”

Lexa rolls her eyes at the mention of his name and is thankful Clarke isn’t there with her to see. “Yeah tell me how _that_ one goes.”

“Whatever, maybe he’ll like it when…Nevermind.”

“Ew, god, Clarke, too far.”

Clarke is laughing on the other end, followed by a string of ‘Ow! Ow!’

“You okay?”

“Yeah, guess I can’t laugh too hard, or something. It’s pretty sore.”

Lexa hears her phone alert her of an incoming call. It’s her editor. “Shit, Clarke, I gotta go. Work people.”

“Go. Do your writing thing. Love you.” She hangs up before Lexa can reply, so she takes the other call.

“Hey, Indra,” she says, trying to sound apologetic. “Yeah, I know. I promise I’ll get that article to you tonight.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Clarke and Lexa met mixed with some more of them trying to figure out the "What are we?" question. Well, mostly Lexa.

Clarke is clutching the edge of the counter hard enough to make her knuckles white. Her shoulders are hunched over, and she’s avoiding all eye contact with Lexa, who sits across from her on one of the barstools. Her fingers are pressed to her brow, but she’s still looking at Clarke. “We need to talk about what happened, Clarke.”

It’s been a week since Clarke slept over at Lexa’s after the short film showing.

A week since Lexa kissed her and Clarke kissed her back.

A week since Lexa wanted to take it further and Clarke almost complied.

“We really don’t have to,” Clarke says stiffly. She finally looks up to meet Lexa’s gaze. “Look, can we just…”

“Drop it? Clarke you’re giving me one word replies and ignoring my texts and skipping our coffee dates and things are _different_ and you know it.” Lexa is startled by her own voice raising, but manages to keep a straight face instead of sinking into apologies.

“No shit things are different, Lexa,” Clarke replies, pushing off of the counter. “I have a boyfriend.”

_Yeah, trust me I know._ Lexa shakes her head. “You didn’t have to let me kiss you,” she says softly. Clarke’s face softens and she lets out a heavy sigh. “You didn’t have to kiss me back.”

“Lexa we’ve been friends forever, I don’t want to fuck this up.”

“What, you think I do?”

“No! So we just need to let this blow over.”

\--

_Three sharp knocks rap across Lexa’s door. She glances at her roommate, Octavia, who simply shrugs and continues to unpack her clothes into the closet. “I’m not expecting anyone,” she says simply._

_Lexa sets down her small stack of books and walks to the door, using her better judgement and looking through the peephole. On the other side of the fisheyed glass in a blonde haired girl standing in the hallway. Lexa swallows hard because_ God she’s pretty _and takes a deep breath before opening the door. It creaks open and she is greeted with a warm, genuine smile from the blonde. “Hi!” She extends a hand. Lexa glances down at it. “Um, I’m Clarke, I live down the hall.” Lexa takes her hand and shakes it lightly._

_“Lexa.”_

_“Lexa,” Clarke repeats. “Nice to meet you.” She lets her hand fall back to her side. “So, quick explanation as to why I’m here.” Lexa raises her eyebrows quizzically. She wonders if everyone will be so cheery in college. “I’m making it a little goal to make a bunch of friends, starting with the people on my floor, so, here I am! Did you and your roommate want to watch some movies with Raven and I? Sorry, Raven is my roommate. That means yours is Octavia. Process of elimination, since your names are on the door and you’re…Lexa. And I’m rambling.” Clarke smiles to herself and Lexa feels a smile tug at the edge of her own lips._

_“Movies?” Octavia chimes in, creeping up behind Lexa into Clarke’s field of vision. “We’re in. And if your roommate is half as cute as you, count me double in.”_

_Lexa shoots her a glance and Octavia throws up her hands in mock surrender. “I’m joking!” Lexa has known Octavia for a few months now, finally meeting on move in day after they started talking on their school’s Facebook group and decided to be roommates, and one of the first things they discussed were relationships and how to designate if someone had to find somewhere else to stay the night. Octavia was very keen on bringing it up, and Lexa was a little grateful she didn’t pry when Lexa decided to hint at her sexuality, while Octavia was a little more open about being ‘open to anything.’_

_“Great!” Clarke beams. “And she’s a looker, don’t worry. Swing by our room at like seven? Maybe 8? After you finish unpacking and stuff. No rush.” Clarke flashes one more look at Lexa before setting off down the hallway._

_Lexa shuts the door and gets a nudge from Octavia. “She’s cute, huh?” Lexa rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on Lexa. It’s college, live a little.”_

_\--_

“How can we just let that blow over?”

“We stop talking about it and act like things are normal.”

\--

_“Look,” Clarke starts, “I like horror movies, but they are just too fucking predictable.” She’s gesturing at the small TV set up in their dorm room._

_“I think that’s part of the fun,” Raven replies. She’s sitting on, presumably, her bed, legs draped over the edge and a bowl of popcorn on her lap. Octavia is sitting next to her, close enough that their legs are brushing and Lexa can’t believe she’s using this as an opportunity to flirt, even though Raven seems uninterested as she’s too caught up in the movie and Clarke’s ramblings._

_“What’s the fun in knowing how the movie is gonna go?”_

_Octavia is the one to jump to Raven’s defense. “Because then you get to laugh at the characters when they do stupid shit, and…”_

_Octavia continues, but Lexa just tunes it out. She’s not even watching the screen fully, instead watching Clarke out of the corner of her eye. Her blue eyes are ablaze because of her and the other girls’ argument, and Lexa is certain she uses too many hand gestures, but for some reason Lexa feels like she could get used to them. Clarke’s hair is pulled back into a loose ponytail, and her the skin of her neck is exposed as she turns her head to face Octavia and Raven more fully. Lexa just watches as the small muscles there move under her skin and she imagines how soft the skin there must be. Girls are always so soft and necks are always so sensitive and…_

_“Right, Lex?”_

_Lexa is drawn out of her daydream by meeting Clarke’s eyes. “Er, what?”_

_“Earth to Lexa,” Clarke says with a laugh, waving her hand in front of Lexa’s eyes. Lexa can’t help but smile._

_Octavia lets out a yawn. “Hey, this movie is great, but I think I’m gonna go crash.” She hops off of Raven’s bed, making sure to use Raven’s knee as a means of pushing herself off. “Let’s do this again?” She asks, looking at Raven._

_“Yeah of course! Hey, I’ll walk you out. Jasper and Monty wanted me to help them set up their TV and stuff cause ours looks so damn good.” Raven slides off the bed, easing her weight onto her brace and walks out with Octavia, sending Clarke and Lexa a simple goodnight._

_\--_

“Are things going to be normal?”

“I’m working on it, Lex. You should too.”

\--

_The room is quiet except for the ominous music that Clarke looks unaffected by, but Lexa can’t help but feel her heartrate quicken every time the tempo increases. She catches Clarke sneaking glances every now and then as she tries to hold back her smiles. They had moved from the floor to Clarke’s bed shortly after Raven and Octavia left, stealing the bowl of popcorn and draping a blanket over their laps._

_Lexa feels a sharp jab at her side and flinches as Clarke falls into a fit of laughter. “Jesus, who knew you were so jumpy,” she manages to get out between laughs._

_Lexa shoves her shoulder. “I’m not jumpy!”_

_“You practically leapt out of my bed. That doesn’t happen to me a lot with pretty girls.”_

Was that flirting? _Lexa thinks, but her thought is dismissed as Clarke gets off her bed with a stretch. She arches her back and pulls her arms over her head, letting out a groan. Lexa tries to hide her blush after catching a small sliver of skin on the small of Clarke’s back._

_“I think I’m going to call it a night, Lex.”_

_“Same here.”_

_“Need me to walk you home?” Clarke says jokingly, flashing a toothy grin at Lexa._

_“I think I can make it down the dark and scary hallway.”_

_“Serial killers look for the ones who left the group. Easier targets.”_

_“Goodnight, Clarke.” Lexa says, heading for the door._

_Clarke grabs her elbow and then pulls Lexa’s phone from the back pocket of her jeans. Lexa can feel the blush creeping up her neck again. “I’m gonna give you my number, let’s hang out again.”_

_\--_

“That’s kind of hard, okay? It’s all I’ve had on my mind lately.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I just thought…Never mind.”

“No, what is it, Lexa?” Her name feels harsh on Clarke’s tongue and she hates the tone it comes out in.

“I’ve just been thinking that we almost had a repeat of a few months ago and that maybe this means something.”

Clarke is quiet for a moment. She starts to say something but stops. Again. And again. She chooses her words carefully. “Lexa…I don’t…I don’t feel that way about you.” Lexa looks down at the counter and wants nothing more than to shrink away. “I love you so much, Lex. You know that. Have you felt this way for a while or just then?”

Lexa can’t help but laugh. “Jesus, Clarke, you’re blind I swear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> expect lots more backstory in the next bit too. i have a lot planned. come hang out with me @nussia on tumblr i like friends


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi, friends. i'm terribly sorry for the delay but WOW has life gotten the best of me these past few months. i hope you all enjoy this one, it was a pleasure to write. the flashbacks were very fun.  
> edit: i already changed a continuity error so if you notice any more of them, please tell me. it's been awhile haha.

“How long then, Lex?” Clarke’s voice is soft, and all the frustration seems to have left her words.

\--

_Lexa is certain that Clarke has lost it._

_Lexa is certain that Clarke has lost it, and yet she’s still going along with this ridiculous plan._

_Lexa is certain that Clarke has lost it, and yet she’s in a car with Clarke driving, Raven and Octavia in the backseat, and the GPS set for the beach, and spring break._

\--

_It is 4 AM when Clarke calls Lexa and tells her to pack a bag. “Swim suit, uh, short dresses, oh! That dark green button up that I love,” Clarke rambles off into her phone._

_“Jesus, Clarke, what time is it?”_

_“Tell Octavia. Raven and I will be at your place in a half hour, we gotta get on the road.” She hangs up quickly and Lexa is left dazed and still half asleep._ There’s no way, _she thinks, but she still pulls herself out of bed, down the hall of her and Octavia’s apartment, and into Octavia’s room. The other girl is sleeping soundly, that is until Lexa is shaking her awake._

_“Lex, stop it’s the hour of death.”_

_“We’re going on a trip.”_

_Octavia opens one eye to peek at Lexa._

_“Spring break?” she asks excitedly, all of her sleepiness leaving in half a second._

_“Yeah. Get packed.”_

_\--_

_The drive is long, but feels even longer since Clarke refuses to let any of the girls sleep by blasting loud music and noisily singing along to every single one._

_Lexa doesn’t even mind because Clarke’s singing voice is lovely._

_\--_

_Even after the drive, Clarke manages to get Lexa, Raven, and Octavia out of their hotel room and into a night club. The upbeat top-40 music is flowing from the speakers and Lexa can feel the heavy bass shaking in her chest. These places have always been Clarke’s favorite: easy drinks from guys if you flirt enough and, of course, dancing. Clarke loves to dance, even if she isn’t the best, but with enough alcohol in her system her hips take on a mind of their own and Lexa might have to pull her off of a table._

_In typical Clarke fashion, she leads them over to the bar and orders them two rounds of shots._

_“To spring break,” she says, holding the first of her shots._

_Her friends follow her lead, and that first drink quickly turns to 5 (or was it 6?)._

_\--_

_Lexa is caught up in a conversation with Raven and Octavia when she notices Clarke talking to brunette a few seats down the bar. He is full of too much hair gel and self-confidence, so Lexa laughs out loud when Clarke slips away, with the drink he bought her, as soon as he turns his head to get the bartender’s attention. She stumbles slightly when she approaches their group, and wraps and arm around Lexa’s shoulders to steady herself. Lexa looks up at her and smiles, and the favor is returned by Clarke pressing their foreheads together for a brief moment. She pulls away and says, “He was so forward. Wanted to ‘get out of here’ before I even finished my drink.” She gulps down the rest of the drink in question and sets the glass on the bar top._

_“Classic dick guy move,” Raven says._

_“This is girl’s spring break,” Octavia adds. “We’re finally all 21 and can enjoy this.”_

_“Cheers to that,” Clarke replies. Her arm is still lazily draped around Lexa when she leans in again. “Let’s go dance.”_

_“Oh, finally! I’ve been waiting for the true Party Girl Griffin,” Raven exclaims. Octavia helps her to her feet and tugs her over to the crowd of people already assembled on the dancefloor._

_“May I have this dance?” Clarke says to Lexa. She bows slightly and puts on her best British accent, one hand extended toward Lexa, the other still resting on her shoulder._

_“You may,” Lexa manages to get out between her small fits of laughter._

_Clarke pulls her onto the floor and closer to her. “Don’t be awkward,” she mock whispers into Lexa’s ear. “You’re being awkward. God how did you have so much game with Costia?”_

_“Oh, shut up,” Lexa replies, putting her hands onto Clarke’s hips. Her thumbs are pressed into the skin under Clarke’s crop top. Clarke simply beams at her and rolls her hips into Lexa who flushes with the contact. Luckily for her the nightclub is dark and Clarke would be too drunk to care anyway. Lexa already knows she is too drunk to care about keeping their dancing PG so she might as well enjoy it._

_Lexa isn’t sure how, but Clarke manages to lessen the space between them even more, pressing their foreheads together and breathing the same hot, humid air. Clarke wraps drapes her arms over Lexa’s shoulders, and it takes Octavia repeatedly tapping her shoulder to snap her back into reality. She turns to Octavia, moving her hand to wrap around Lexa’s waist instead, and gives her a questioning look, slightly upset that the dance was cut short._

_“Dick from the bar is coming straight for you, let’s go,” Octavia yells into Clarke’s ear. Clarke turns and, sure enough, she sees a head full of gelled hair heading in her direction. She laces her fingers together with Lexa’s and practically runs for the exit, Raven and Octavia close on their heels and laughter filling the spaces between them._

\--

Lexa sighs. “Do you remember spring break senior year?”

Clarke nods, encouraging her.

“Probably then.”

“You should have said something, Lexa.”

Lexa rolls her eyes. “Yeah, as if anything would have changed. We could have made things awkward earlier.”

Clarke is quite for nearly a whole minute, and neither of them realized how long a minute could actually feel until this moment. When she finally speaks, she chooses her words carefully. “Maybe…Maybe I’m not the only blind one here.”

\--

_The four of them are back in their hotel room, music playing from Raven’s speaker she had packed and a light, happy air filling the room. Clarke is making Lexa a drink, pouring a generous amount of the liquor she had brought into a cup before mixing it with some kind of juice. She takes a sip and, with a grimace, hands it to Lexa. “It’s perfect.” Lexa gives her a skeptical look, but takes a large swig anyway. It’s strong, but maybe it’s just what she needs._

_Raven and Octavia are dancing around the small space, and Clarke kicks off her shoes and joins them. She pulls at Lexa’s hand and lifts it over her head, having her spin in place and flash a bright smile at Clarke. The blonde’s eyes light up, and Lexa can’t remember anything looking so beautiful. Her and Clarke just stand there for a moment, and Lexa watches Clarke’s gaze soften and it’s this exact look that Lexa is certain could kill her, or make her melt, or dull the stars in the sky, or something. This is how she wants to be looked at for the rest of her life._

_The moment is cut short by Octavia falling face first onto one of the hotel beds. “I think I’m done,” she says with a huff. Raven laughs but joins her on the bed, falling onto her back with a soft creak from the bed frame. She nods in agreement. Clarke reaches over with her free hand, the other still holding Lexa’s, to turn down the volume on the speaker. “Thank you, Clarke,” Octavia mumbles, sleep already taking over._

_Clarke turns to Lexa. “I’m gonna go for a walk.” She squeezes the other girl’s hand tighter. “Go with me?” Lexa nods a yes and finishes her drink. She sets the cup down and follows Clarke out of the hotel room after she pulls a blanket off the other bed._

_The door leads out into the open air, to the right are more rooms and to the left past the parking lot is a small trail that leads down to the beach which is where Clarke is headed. She already dropped Lexa’s hand, so the brunette follows a few steps behind her and eventually they hit the sand. Clarke drops onto the ground and hugs her knees to her chest. “I thought we were walking,” Lexa says jokingly, but takes a seat next to Clarke, wrapping the blanket around their shoulders to defend them from the crisp ocean breeze._

_“I didn’t want to anymore,” Clarke replies and leans into Lexa, resting her head on the other girl’s shoulder. Lexa is warm against her and it’s moments like this that remind Clarke that home isn’t always a place but sometimes a person. Lexa has felt that way to her since they met at the start of their freshman year, and now they were quickly approaching graduation. She wonders if Lexa feels the same way about her, but instead thinks she’s only felt that way about Costia, even though they’ve been broken up for close to a year. She asks anyway. “Do you miss her, Lex?” Lexa smiles at the nickname which has been there since day one, but her smile falters when it dawns on her just exactly who Clarke is talking about. It’s been months but the feeling still hurts._

_“Sometimes.” The answer is short, and Clarke frowns._

_“Sorry to bring her up.”_

_“You’re fine.” Lexa is quite a moment. “She was jealous of you; you know?”_

_Clarke lifts her head up and looks directly at Lexa, who still has her eyes fixed on the waves in front of them. “What? Why?”_

_“She was nervous about how close we are. It was hard to remind her sometimes that we’re just, friends.” Lexa bites her tongue when she pauses. She shouldn’t have paused._

_“Right.”_ Just friends _, Clarke thinks, and the word hurts more than she expected, although she’s not completely sure why._

_“I still don’t get why she was so quick to end things. It seemed serious.”_

_“I know how much you loved her.” Clarke’s head is filled with memories of Lexa’s sudden breakdowns, all shaky hands and gasping breaths. She remembers 2 A.M. phone calls with nothing but either silence or soft crying on the other end of the line. Lexa doesn’t know but Clarke purposely left her ringer turned up all the way incase Lexa called or texted her in the middle of the night during that time. Sometimes she still does._

_“You really eased everything off my mind, Clarke. I can’t thank you enough for that.” Lexa finally turns to face the blonde, glancing down at her lips for a little too long._

_“It’s what friends are for.” Clarke grits her teeth at the word, but leans over to Lexa to press a kiss to her cheek. She blames the alcohol for why she kissed her a little too close to her lips._

_Lexa swallows hard. “We should probably go to sleep. Long day tomorrow.”_

_Clarke nods and stands up, shivering at the loss of warmth, and offers a hand to Lexa who gladly takes it._

_They walk hand in hand back to the hotel room, and fall asleep with Clarke’s arm draped across Lexa’s middle and her breaths eventually evening out against her neck._

\--

“Clarke you should go,” Lexa says, trying to ignore the other girl’s last sentence. “If you wanna do coffee again next week, let me know, but I think I need some space.”

Clarke nods. “Take your time.”

Clarke goes to Lexa's room to gather her things and makes her way to the front door.

“Lex?” she hears Clarke say. Lexa looks up from the counter. “I love you.”

Lexa’s jaw goes tight as she clenches it. “Love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to come talk to me on tumblr @ nussia.


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